It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply...or something.
I’ve seen that quote everywhere, and every time I see it I resonate with it. It doesn’t matter if I’m happy or if I’m sad, I resonate heavily with it as someone who feels everything so deeply.
It doesn’t matter if it’s my emotions or the emotions of others, everything I feel whether it be happiness, sadness, anger and rage or despair...I feel it so deeply.
Because of being this sensitive, I’ve always been so careful with the people around me. Partially because I wanted to protect them, partially because I didn’t want to be the one to hurt them.
Now, in this life it happens. Sometimes you’re an asshole and you do some asshole thing and you hurt someone else.
I have. I admit that. I accept it. I apologize when it happens.
But, sometimes the opposite happens.
Sometimes you hurt people and you damage relationships with family and friends just because you’re trying so hard to protect them, because you care too much.
You’re a protector and a lover all combined into one and with that comes this innate need to check up and make sure they’re okay. With it comes the need to kick their ass if they do something stupid that can damage their future. The worst part about it is you’re doing it because you care--because you care and feel too deeply.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve is rough. You can’t hide how much people mean to you. You can’t hide when they upset you. You can’t hide the crinkles that grace your forehead born from concern when you see something that isn’t right and others just don’t understand it.
They don’t understand why you grow so concerned, or why you care so much.
People tell you you’re overbearing. They ask you why are you even worrying about them and they don’t understand it’s simply because you love them.
Out of anger you decide to back off. You decide to stop showing and checking up. You decide to show them the opposite of what you’ve been doing to prove some asinine point when in all reality you’re only hurting yourself.
And then, you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
Do you continue to feel and push everyone else away, or shut yourself off and harm yourself in the process?
People love the ways you love them, until you love them too much.
People like the concern you show until they grow tired of it.
You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.
So, what do you do when your greatest strength and your greatest curse is the fact that you simply care too much?
What do you do when you feel like the intensity of your love is what ultimately drives people away regardless of who they are?
...Well? What do you do?